Monday, August 8, 2011

Behind the scenes.

My Uncle Collin, didn't go to work today,
Or more like he is working with his phone.
So we went out for lunch, he broke down the story of my dad.

Story goes that things were never going well with my mum and dad.
So dad left for another women, as much as mum hates him. I don't blame him.
But I always thought dad was always with her. Well, that's not the main point.
What makes me so upset is, even if mum was abandoned by dad. She still has the both of us.
What about dad? He spends his Sundays eating alone in a hawker center.
Mum complaints that dad never spend enough for us, from the way I see it?
He paid for the house, FULLY PAID. And given to my mum. Monthly allowance given, thou late at times. But he is a responsible dad, even brings us out for dinner every once in a while.

I thought, he had another family. But what did I found out today?
He spends his money on me and my brother without us knowing.
Always calls back to check on us, I know how it feels!! Sometimes I reject, for the sake of games?

Dad, the one sentence Uncle Collin said. Almost brought me to tears.
The one thing I always was, the one thing I feared so much.
He said, "Do you know your father is a lonely man?"
Right away, I became speechless. All this while, my dad..
A man whom always smile, always being supportive, always cheerful, is actually lonely inside.
He never stayed with a women before, he may have Aunt Sam but they only meet up very seldom. Once a week perhaps?

I remember, many times I would lie to him. When he asked me out for lunch or dinner.
I find excuses to tell him, we ate already or something like that.

I'm sorry dad, I wanna spend more time with you.
Thank you, for being my superman.
I want to make you proud.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I'm annoying.

Why do I keep thinking of you everyday?
I'm willing to turn down others for you, I'm so silly.
But I feel that I'm disturbing you all the time.

Even at times I look for you, I feel like I'm an annoyance to you.
Sometimes I only think all I ever am to you is, nothing.
Nice of you, to get to go back to your hometown.
I can't even go back, how lucky.

I imagine going to the beach with you, thou you can't swim.
I fantasize in you at every part of the corner on earth.
Since when I liked you so much, love?

Hurry get my braces fixed and get my long hair back,
then maybe by then, confession might just be possible.
Nobody wants an ugly boy right?

Hope I will never be a disturbance to you,
I won't text you, I don't want to annoy you.
Because I care, how you think of me.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

I just want to be with you..

Today went to service my car!! That dude who did it made a stupid mistake,
He forgot to fix my steering wheel properly, now it looks horrid.
Stupid stupid man!! Oh well, have to go back and tell that fella.
People make mistakes~

I'm so high now, and I'm not sure why.
Maybe for once life seem so refreshing for me, only today that is.
I'm going to get alot of things when dad comes to KL!!
An iPod, rubber belt!! My car is getting more things to stick. Ish.
SEGi car sticker, Eco Park car sticker. Enough already!!

You look so active today little worm, thou I caught you staring.
Maybe I "Perasaan" only, hahaha. Feels good to be thick skin sometimes.
I thought can ask you out this Friday, but you're already going back to Kuantan. Sad face..
I got a song for her, but how to tell her? Sighs.

Tinker still text me, still got people to care about me. How blessed I am, yay!
Little bear, stop cutting yourself. I do care for you too you know? :)

Love gets people down, but love makes everything so beautiful.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Unexpected call

I was tired, sick, coughing until blood came out of my nose.
I had no credit to message you, but yeah you wouldn't care even if I told you.
Wishing for someone special to you to care, not something everyone has.

But suddenly, Tinker called. In my fatigue, and on my bed I laid on.
I picked up your call. I'm glad you called..
Although you weren't that person, I was happy. Least someone still cares.
It's rare that she would apologize to me, but still I said something to her..
Sorry, I just didn't want to give you anymore false hopes.

The one I want, is someone else. That someone whom I've been thinking of ever since I met her on the 8th of July 2011.
Since when I start to remember dates like these? Oh whatever.

Even if I don't confess to her, even if she doesn't like me..
I just hope she'll be happy with or without me, I just want to be there to see her smile.
Even if, she treats me like an invisible person.

She'll never know, not now. Not until I'm ready to tell her.

Friday, July 29, 2011

So sick of being, sick.

Have I offended someone?
Why am I being tormented with a package of illness in one day?
Used 2 packets of tissue just to contemplate my running nose.
Seriously, I never been so sick in months. Maybe it's the weather?

For the first time, you're late for college. Even you're sick..
Was a waste of time coming to college today, didn't do nuts but spending money on breakfast.
Although I had to drive all the way to college just to see you, I'll have no regrets.
But for somewhat reason, she's being cold at times. Maybe I think too much?
Or maybe she's just sick too and doesn't have the mood.

Funny how everyday I would stare at the phone and wish that you would text me first.
Fat chance I suppose~
As for being sick today, she didn't know until I told her.
I don't need to be told to rest or whatever by others,
I just needed your concern, I sound like a girl. Geez..

I hope I'll be alright tomorrow, apparently mum, dad and William are coming down to see grandma.
When people are dying, suddenly everyone loves you.
For a cancer patient diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in the bone, kidney, neck..
Chances to live is like, less than 1% I guess?
I hope the grass she is taking now will eventually cure her, I'm expecting a miracle which never happened before.

Everyone didn't come to wish her a speedy recovery, they just wanted my grandma's assets.
Greedy people, even if I wasn't given a single cent I would go see her everyday.
67 years old, knocking out already? Get well..

In the end, nobody cares if you are sick.
I know she doesn't care about me, because I'm nothing but a friend to her.
Despite how much I try to communicate with her, I'm always the one asking questions.
Too bad, I'll take it as a retribution from abandoning Tinker.

Till then, I wished she cared. Not anyone else..

Thursday, July 28, 2011

First words

I actually started blogging again because of you,
but the thing is I don't want to let you read it.

Anyways, life in KL is simply awesome!!
I got a new car to drive, a multi-million dollar house to stay in.
But it can get a little lonely..

Having a freaking flu, if sneezing all of the sudden means somebody is missing you.
I wished it was you who misses me.
Everyday I would look at you, but for some reason I would go quiet when I want to talk to you.
Loss for words I suppose, little bear said to get over you and move on.
If only it was that simple..
Sometimes I wonder, maybe you do like me? But just waiting for me to confess?
I fear rejection, so I can't let you know just yet.

Another day, another thought of me and you.
Feelings for you come and go, but the only time it goes is when I'm doing my things.

If only I was more brave, guess that is something I never learnt.
I'm not important anyways, geez what an upsetting statement to make.
My first post in my blog, everything about you.